Ok, so food arranged to look like other food is so “The Dick Van Dyke Show”. I imagine Laura Petrie whisking this out of her New Rochelle kitchen to ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from Buddy and Sally and a wonky grin from Rob.
Now that I have that off my chest – this really is delicious. Kitsch and all.
- ½ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
- 7-8 green onions
- 2 jalapeño peppers
- 1 pound cream cheese at room temperature
- 8 ounce can of unsweetened chopped pineapple
- 75-100 pecan halves for decoration
- Preheat oven to 400°F.
- Arrange pecans in a single layer on a shallow baking sheet.
- Bake pecans about 5-7 minutes until lightly toasted and fragrant.
- Cool pecan halves completely.
- Cut the tops off the green onions, trim any mangled bits off them, and arrange on a serving platter to look like the top of a pineapple.
- Place shredded mozzarella into a large mixing bowl.
- Trim the tops off the jalapeños. Cut jalapeños in half, remove seeds and ribs.
- Chop jalapeños into a small dice and add to mixing bowl.
- Thinly slice the white ends of the green onions and add to mixing bowl.
- Add cream cheese and pineapple to mixing bowl and stir until well mixed. I do this by hand since the stand mixer tends to bruise the green onions and mash the jalapeños.
- Mound the mixture into roughly the shape of ½ a pineapple on your serving platter.
- Arrange your pecans, starting at the bottom and slightly overlapping, to look vaguely like a pineapple.
- Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight.
- About an hour before guests arrive remove the pineapple from the fridge and allow it to come to room temperature.
You may want to put on gloves at this point.
Take a moment now to rinse your knife and cutting board, discard your gloves, and wash your hands. You can thank me later.
Send little Ritchie to bed and have Rob mix you a martini. You deserve it.